P2YL | BOOK GIVEAWAY | 39. 'Wholly Dating', by Roger Harper

🔔 We have THREE FREE copies of WHOLLY DATING to give away 🔔

‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that most dating and relationship books are written by women.’

A man’s-eye-view of dating

So how refreshing to read Wholly Dating by Roger Harper, a UK writer and business developer with plenty of real-life pastoral experience, including the nitty-gritty of having worked as a prison chaplain. 

Through years of insight into what makes people tick, it’s his conviction that deep down most of us yearn for ‘one faithful, forever partner’.

Writing from his own experience of midlife dating after divorce, Wholly Dating reveals a man’s-eye-view of how his own serious relationship developed from spotting someone’s profile, through first dates, falling in love, becoming engaged, and ultimately getting married.

‘Men and women loving each other as they love themselves’

As a former prison chaplain, the author is comes from a christian perspective but you don’t have to be a signed-up churchgoer to find some valuable suggestions and talking-points in his approach, especially if you see yourself as 'spiritual, not religious'.

Or ethics in life and relationships are important to you.

Or you find the idea of ‘Men and women loving each other as they love themselves’ (nicknamed ‘The Jesus Theory’) is one beautiful framework to aspire to.

Dating: a journey

Wholly Dating is perfect for dipping into as it’s divided into sections that suit where you are in your own personal journey. 

Dating in three stages

After a foundational section on the spiritual side, three further sections outlined below cover the relationship journey:

1. Preparing to date

This covers healing from past hurts, getting in the right mindset for opening yourself up to new relationships, navigating internet dating and finding ways to meet people through activities.

2. Enjoying dating

A group of chapters focusing on making initial contact and first dates to ongoing relationships: the ‘courtship’ concept and what it looks like in modern terms. 

3. Beyond dating

This is the momentous stage of working out if you two are growing towards the formal commitment of engagement and marriage, or need to move on to give you both the chance of new relationships. 

‘Commit or quit’ as someone phrased it.

Wholly Dating’s USP

What I as a woman found especially riveting is that it’s written from a mature, masculine perspective, plus his pastoral role means he has experience of understanding the mindset of many men from different walks of life.

He’s not naïve about some men’s behaviour and is frank about the need for men to deal with it if they want to be someone a woman can respect and trust enough to love and commit to.

A work of co-authorship

The book was also written partly in partnership with his wife, Sharon. 

Meeting in their late fifties/early sixties, Wholly Dating is the result of wanting to pass on what they had learned together about building a healthy relationship, especially if it’s later on in life.

‘Hi Sharon, thanks for waving back’

It’s delightful to read some of the early, tentative online messages exchanged by the couple as they connect initially online and move through to meeting face-to-face for the first time.

I felt as thought I was holding my breath to see how it would develop, like a love-story where you’re mentally egging on two likeable characters to get together.

Advice from the dating frontline 

You’ll find sensible advice and personal stories shared, and the author doesn’t shy away from writing frankly when it comes to discussing the physical side and boundaries you might want to establish so that the sexual side doesn’t outrun and throw the commitment side off-course.