P2YL | 50. Five ways my Part 2 wedding was different from Part 1

2) Big party or select do? 🎊

We were in our mid to late-twenties. My mother was dead and I had absolutely no idea how to organise a wedding and who does what. Despite this, it was glorious. 

A guest list of 130 (‘Who on earth are they all?’ exclaimed my sister who wasn’t into weddings) because naïvely we thought we were sharing our joy with so many of the church congregation where we had met.

A £350 frothy ivory sateen wedding dress and veil from The Laura Ashley Wedding Collection. Hymns and choruses. The service was conducted by the sincere and cheerful vicar at the mega-church where my husband and I had met two years before

Complete certainty and trust in each other/Life/God/the wedding promises we had made each other.

One comment that got back to us from a civilian was that it was the most special wedding he had ever been to.

Second wedding: thank God there is always a Plan B



By now it was twenty-five years later. 

After all I had been through I was so thankful to discover that Life/God/The Universe/However you want to view it has a Plan B in our lives. 



Small is beautiful

This wedding was in a tiny local church and was taken by a vicar who had known both me and my first husband and had counselled me during the separation and divorce process. 

This time we chose to have simply the vows and liturgy, no hymns, no music, no vast hordes of flowers.

I wore a dress which I bought from Phase Eight for £75 and which I wore on special occasions afterwards. I still think wearing a white dress at a woman’s second wedding is looks tacky.

There was a total of thirteen people present (I have no truck with superstition) and there would have been one more if my sister hadn’t got stuck at Reading due to a broken-down train. But she made it to the restaurant meal. No desire for a big wedding-breakfast and reception this time.



We were a smallish group round a table, we didn’t do speeches and I had to go home early as I got a migraine from all the excitement. 

Everyone was very relaxed about it and I felt no pressure, leaving them to enjoy themselves while I went off to cool sheets and a darkened room to recover.



'What becomes of the broken-hearted?'

I don’t disbelieve in the idea of couples being ‘brought together’ but I also believe that if one of them or both of them walk away from that commitment, that does not mean an abandoned partner will be left alone for the rest of their lives.

I believe in Abundant Life and it is big enough to have a Plan B in store.

So this second wedding was in the spirit of a deeply felt gratitude and reassurance.



Which was the better wedding?

Neither. Both. Big party or select do: I think it's up to the couple themselves to choose.

It’s a hard world, and fun and celebration and dressing up are things that add an essential ingredient to life. For me, both these weddings were heartfelt.



One question we need to ask

Only…I do sometimes wonder if we have a tendency to get the balance wrong and put more effort into the wedding-day than making sure the marriage lasts a lifetime. 

Things like keeping our promises. Admitting our mistakes. Turning away and getting rid of people and things and habits that might destroy us as a couple. 



It’s something I still need to remind myself with my tendency to be selfish and impatient.

What if these words were part of all wedding ceremonies?

Just imagine if the church celebrant turned to the couple and guests and said:

I’m now going to give you some information any successfully long-married couple will tell you is crucial: 

In the years following today, sometimes you will be tempted to become involved with someone who is not your marriage-partner.

Sometimes you will be flippin’ sick/fed-up/irritated/impatient with your marriage-partner.



Sometimes you will think your marriage is a mistake and you are married to the wrong person.



At those times, unless it’s a matter of ‘the 5 As’* ie adultery, abuse, addiction, abandonment, take yourself back to this moment here and now as you stand before us:

• Remember how beautiful and special your partner looks today. 

• Remember the promises everybody here today as witnesses has heard you make. 

• We’re believing in you.

• Stay true.

🌱🍃🌿

P2YL | 48. Six ways my Part 2 wedding differed from Part 1 is part of a series including:

🏠 Live together beforehand or not? 🤔

🎊 A wedding: big party or select and sacred?

🫡 ‘Love, honour, and obey’?!?!?

A candid look at how I viewed it in Part 1 and Part 2 Of My (Love?) Life

🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 Father-of-the-bride? What about mother-of-the-groom?

👗 Wedding dress and wedding hair second time round

🌱🍃🌿

* I’ve listed four here but I’ve got a faint memory there is a fifth.