P2YL | 48. Five ways my Part 2 wedding differed from Part 1
1) Live together or not? 🤔
First night
When I met and married Husband No. 1 in my 20s we chose not to live or sleep together before we got married.
We had met out of the blue one day at church, were committed to our faith, and this was the right choice for us.
While I still honour and respect that decision, I felt differently years later as a 40+ woman who was unwillingly single again.
I still had boundaries, just different ones.
Five wild years
I was so hurt and disillusioned by what had happened to me that in the years immediately after divorce, I rejected my previous values and experimented with a completely different way of life.
Then my authentic self began to assert herself. I didn’t want casual flings any longer. I didn’t reject the physical but I wanted to take things slowly and marry a wonderful man one day. Who doesn't?
New boundaries
My personal boundary was that I wouldn’t move in with someone unless we were an engaged couple with a ring and our wedding-date booked.
You can call me a Rules Girl if you like.
Why no cohabs for me?
It is absolutely a personal decision for each woman whether she wants to live with her partner or not.
I’ll explain how I arrived at my own personal decision.
I appreciate there are plenty of couples happily living together to whom neither of the following scenarios applies.
The dangerous drift
True story: I’ve seen more than one loving woman hurt and frustrated by moving in with someone she looks forward to committing to in marriage at some point.
As a couple they drift on. We’re happy as we are, he says, why change anything? A curiously undefined feeling arises between them that borders on edginess and uncertainty.
If she plucks up courage to end it because she’s not happy with the situation, she might feel she has wasted time and herself with a man who ultimately doesn’t want the same things.
Logically, it happens to married couples too although marriage has the benefit of ensuring a legal status, rights and protections.
The dreaded default
I’ve known couples who’ve lived together for yonks, got married (was there an element of default?), and then divorce in short order.
Making the right decision for me (us)
As for me, I wanted to avoid the dangerous drift or the marriage-by-default. I wanted it to be an intentional decision on both our parts.
My Part 2 proposal
I’m a great believer in the ‘two years, commit or quit’ concept.
As an astute man, Tim recognised this. Well within this two-year time-frame he took me away for a Beatles weekend in Liverpool.
In our hotel he picked up his guitar and the sheet-music to a medley of Beatles songs, serenaded me, then asked me to marry him, complete with an engagement ring.
I said, Yes!
Our first step wasn’t to move in together.
We booked the wedding, put our separate homes on the sale or rental market, and timed it so that we moved into our marital house a few days short of our wedding day.
Here’s our unfiltered wedding-morning selfie (7 April 2016):
Nearly ten years later (I recognise that if marriage is for life, ten years isn’t a long time) we have no regrets we did it that way.
🌱🍃🌿
P2YL | 48. Six ways my Part 2 wedding differed from Part 1
is part of an upcoming series including:
🎊 A wedding: big party or select and sacred?
🫡 ‘Love, honour, and obey’?!?!?
A candid look at how I viewed it in Part 1 and Part 2 Of My (Love?) Life
🧑🧑🧒🧒 Father-of-the-bride? What about mother-of-the-groom?
👗 Wedding dress and wedding hair second time round
🌱🍃🌿
