P2YL | 20. The pep-talk from a Queen...
...that helped me take courage
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When I found myself divorced and alone in midlife, I felt scared.
Somehow I would have to rebuild my feminine confidence, find a way to earn more money, learn to socialise and date again.
Reading my diaries from back then I see I had to give myself pretty regular pep-talks as I was frequently dragged down by disappointment and set-backs.
The first pep-talk was inspired by the British Royal Family.
‘The Reluctant King’
I heard the audio play Crown Matrimonial about George VI, grandfather of the present King Charles.
George VI was the awkward younger brother of the suave and popular Edward VIII, and was called on to face the task of kingship because Edward VIII decided to abdicate.
‘Bertie’ (as George VI was known in his family) was a chronically shy man with a speech impediment who felt appalled at the future facing him.
It’s on record he broke down and sobbed in front of his mother, Queen Mary, at the thought of becoming king:
‘I c-c-c-can’t do it. I c-c-c-can’t even speak properly.’
The Queen of all pep-talks
In the play Queen Mary responds first of all by handing him a whisky and sitting him down.
She then de-escalates the whole emotional side to help him see himself as a rational person with ability and courage, rather than the helpless victim of cruel fate.
Her approach was along the lines of: Right, let’s weigh this whole thing up.
Remember the pluses
She doesn’t ignore the challenges but one by one she lists the positives that are going to help him:
- he was supported by a devoted and practically minded wife and two adoring daughters;
- he already had the respect of the British people who knew he hadn't asked for this job;
- and they admired the courage he had shown in being willing to make public speeches even with his evident stutter.
- He had already had some training for this role simply through being second-in-line.
She also cited his ‘great guts’.
However frail he might appear to others, she could sense that underneath there was a hint of grit and determination.
She was right about that, and the pep-talk made sense.
George VI was an utterly devoted king.
He worked on himself to adapt to this unsought role and comforted and inspired the UK public during the Second World War.
When he died, he was deeply loved and mourned.
Looking back it seems he made a far better king than the abdicated Edward VIII would ever have done.
My Queen Mary moment
So after an initial period of grief and rage, I scaled down the emotional side of it, and tried to emulate Queen Mary’s cool, clear appraisal.
On the negative side I told myself:
- Your husband’s dumped you after 14 years of marriage;
- You are no longer young and you’ve never been considered pretty.
- You are shy;
- You don’t have a high-earning career.
BUT on the plus side:
- Remember what your GP said: ‘Just because of what your husband did doesn’t mean your romantic life is over.’
- The financial settlement will pay for you to re-train;
- You don’t need to be a ravishing beauty to look attractive;
- Shyness isn’t a handicap if you are basically a friendly person and you have a purpose.
- Perhaps most of all: you have your self-respect.
Your personal pep-talk
Can I invite you to be Queen Mary to your inner George VI?
If you’re reading this, I think it’s more than likely you already have that hint of ‘guts’.
Can you take a cool, clear, look at the positives you have, embrace them, and capitalise on them for yourself?
