Boris Johnson, imperial measurements, and foot fetishism: is there a link? (A completely fantasy investigation.)

Our Prime Minister's comments on using imperial measurements instead of metric ones comes as no big surprise to anyone British, thinking as many of us still do in feet and inches. Yet we don't think in terms of shillings and farthings. Why the difference?

It was over fifty years ago — 15 February 1971 — that Decimalisation Day dawned on us. Overnight British money changed from a ‘system’ consisting of twenty shillings to the pound, twenty-one shillings to the guinea, things called sixpenny and thrupenny bits, into something more coherent and user-friendly based on units of ten. The changeover was all done and dusted overnight. We adapted. Just like that. In a very short time pounds, shillings and pence disappeared from consciousness.

But when it came to units of measurement we never quite plucked up the courage to take the leap, did we? And now, years later, people still refer to feet and yards. My 30-year-old hairdresser asks me if I want half an inch or an inch off my hair. I remember in 1970s primary schools the neat blue-and-white rulers marked off in centimetres, but by the time we got to secondary school some office in Whitehall had made the decision to give up. Perhaps some people were unable to cope with the concept of units of ten. Rulers took a backwards step, displaying inches on one side and centimetres on the other. So people sank back into old habits with the result we are a confused people, still thinking in terms of a system based on medieval thumb joints and feet.

The only explanation for this I can come up with is that whereas mainland Europe measurement are based on the fact we have ten fingers, British measurements may just possibly be based on some sort of public schoolboy foot fetishism. Still some people will think it worthwhile in that at least we get to call them imperial.