A September Spring | 2. Your first survival checklist

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When some previously unimaginable loss seems to be happening to you, like a broken marriage or relationship or another blow that sends you reeling, I first recommend two things to hold on to:

✅ First, honour your own ability to self-heal.

This purple wildflower is known as ‘self-heal’. 

Its name reminds me of something true and encouraging about human nature: 

We have a built-in ability to heal. If you cut your finger, then even without any medical intervention, a natural healing process will begin. 

Emotionally too, we have an innate ability to recover, adapt, and get over stuff. It helps to remember this. 

Four qualities of the Self-Heal flower:

It is COMMON. So is human healing and recovery. 

It is ABUNDANT. A situation that initially feels huge and unmanageable can be dealt with over time. 

It is PERENNIAL. So is the human ability to keep coming back again and again.

It has a CREEPING ROOTSTOCK. OK, this one I had to look up. 

It basically means that underground, hidden from view, the plant quietly and unobtrusively goes on doing all the right things it needs for survival and new growth, even though we are unaware of it. 

✅ Second, consider these simple words I was given that proved true. 

‘The real you is always safe.’

This was said to me by a woman I knew years ago. She was a woman who, even if you met her only briefly, exuded genuine understanding and wisdom. 

I think what she meant by those words is that whatever happens to us on the outside, whatever our circumstances, we have an inner self which nothing can damage. Perhaps historically that's been called our soul?

In my own case, I might be feeling as though I had lost my identity, lost a part of myself through marriage breakup, but the real me inside, was still there and ready for a new future. 

‘No doubt, in time, you will meet someone else.’

Not only was I devastated by my first husband leaving me, but in the aftermath came the gnawing suspicion, ‘No one else will ever love me.’

My feminine confidence had taken a huge hit and I could no longer see myself as ‘worthy’ of attracting anyone else. 

Being reassured by sympathetic female friends sounded hollow after what had happened. 

The only comment which somehow rang true was from a calm, detached, balance-of-probabilities friend, who said quietly and matter-of-factly, ‘No doubt, in time, you will meet someone else.’ 

It was still early days. I was a long, long way from wanting to date again; I just wanted to have back the husband I had married in good faith 12 years ago!

I stayed scrupulously single until after the divorce was official. For a long time after that, I could only cope with casual flings and non-serious relationships. 

But somehow those nine unremarkable words stayed with me and were the ones I clung onto until I did indeed meet that very special Someone Else. 

A lot was to happen in the meantime.

Next week: Your second survival checklist.

For now: