September Spring | 8. Finale: the strange and funny twist in my tale

THANK YOU to all the beloved subscribers to September Spring: weekly emails on starting afresh.

Today is the last of my September Spring messages. Subscribers will continue to receive 👒 P2YL | Part 2 Of Your Love-Life, every other Friday.

Is there Somebody Up There?

What has happened to me makes me wonder if there’s somebody up there who keeps a friendly eye on us before, during, and after divorce. And who has a sense of humour.

By the way, if the word ‘God’ is a big turnoff, just substitute ‘Fate’ or ‘Destiny’ or ‘the Universe’.

Or ‘Pure Fluke’ if you prefer.

Strange encounter

The uncanny way my first husband and I met  strikes me, even now, as meant to be, despite what happened later. As the praying sort, I believed that God guided us in our decisions, including our choice of life-partner.

Attraction, enjoyment of each other's company and similar faith and values drew us together initially. We also shared an Irish Protestant family background and both aspired to take less-travelled career-roads: he as an airline pilot and I as a writer.

When we married, the fact I was brought up more or less as an only child meant I adapted easily to his long-haul flying absences, which is sometimes a struggle for airline couples.

We both believed in marriage as a covenant, not just a contract. Or so I thought.

Crash landing

But somewhere along the line, it seemed the marriage goalposts had been moved.

My husband started an affair with another woman, also married, and left me to be with her. I not only missed the love of my husband terribly, I also missed the whole world I had become used to. The world of aviation and the shared link with the island of Ireland.

I was not only heartbroken, it left me questioning what I had believed up to then.

I must have been wrong, I concluded. There isn't anyone up there guiding us. The idea of ‘Mr Right’ or ‘your soulmate’ is a myth. Everything is pure chance.

And that was the way I felt on balance for some time though deep down I wasn't completely convinced.

Learning to fly again

Jump forward ten years after these events and a few casual and not-so-casual relationships later.

One Saturday a man and I met and got chatting at a weekend ramblers' club.

As we talked, he mentioned he came to the group on Saturdays only.

He couldn’t make it on Sundays, he explained, as his elderly, disabled mother had come to live with him a couple of years ago and she needed him to take her to Mass on Sundays though he had no religious belief himself.

I could hardly believe my ears. How many men would be prepared to do such a caring thing?

He contacted me later and asked, Would I like to meet up again?

I didn't feel instantly ‘smitten’ but he seemed a nice and good man and made me laugh so I said yes.

We met. We dated. We married.

Things come full-circle

And the weird thing is:

My second husband also works in aviation and has an Irish background.

So I regularly find myself back at the same flying club which trained my first husband.

All the things I thought I’d lost forever have come back to me, full-circle.

I love being connected with the world of aviation again, enjoy our flights abroad and regular travels to Ireland to visit our respective families.

And none of this was ever planned. (By me.)

My beliefs have come full-circle too

My intuition now is there’s a God who does care and does guide, if asked.

But I don’t believe in one perfect soulmate. Instead I think that during the course of our lives, if we are open to it, we get to meet several potential life-partners.

Each one will have pros and cons as a life-partner. No perfect fit.

What rings true are the words of the wise, calm Vicar who offered me support through my first broken marriage, and officiated at my second wedding:

'All couples fit well in some ways

and not in others.

The “other ways” are where

commitment & compromise come in'

Unfortunately, sometimes people let their commitment lapse. They see compromise as an insult to their ego. This doesn’t mean the marriage was a mistake.

On a serious note, after giving someone a chance I don't believe there is a requirement to compromise on any of the four As: adultery, abuse, addiction, or abandonment.

Those seem to me legitimate marriage-breakers.

I believe you, me, we, all have more than one chance at permanent love and each chance is equally special and blessed.

This is great news for all of us P2YLers 💖

🌿🌿🌿