P2YL | 21. Love at third sight
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Someone you would never suspect has been voted 'the UK's sexiest man and it makes total (weird) sense to me', says Fleur Britten, writing in the Lifestyle section of the UK Independent.
He and the other men who make the list are pictured alongside the article. They are definitely on the mature side and as I’m sure the men themselves would agree, are not stereotypically handsome, movie-star types.
At the same time, all are happily and stably coupled-up with wives or female partners who seem equally content.
So why is this relevant?
You may or may not rate any of the men listed. Doesn’t matter. Believe it or not, this headline is actually good news because it shows attractiveness is much wider and more diverse than a superficial glance would suggest.
This fact alone immediately and immeasurably ups the likelihood of you meeting that special someone if you don’t write them off too soon.
‘If I don’t fancy them, I don’t fancy them!’
The same week I read of a 35-year-old reluctantly single woman who seems eminently eligible, dismissing the men she meets on dates with the blanket statement, ‘If I don’t fancy them, I don’t fancy them.’
It’s not clear at what stage she makes this decision, effectively shutting down any further connection with them.
But it did make me wonder if she was unwittingly self-sabotaging her chances through a quick-fire dating strategy.
The Three Date Rule (it’s not what you’re thinking)
During my own post-divorce dating years, my basic strategy could be summed up as this:
On one first date, I remember thinking dismissively, ‘Does this man ever say a serious word?!?’ and deliberately keeping my distance when we left the venue in case he did something completely terrible like try to hold my hand.
I didn’t dislike him. I just wasn’t instantly smitten. In accordance with my Three Date Rule, when he asked me out again, I said yes. And then yes to a further date.
We’ve now been happily married for eight years. He won my heart and I love holding hands with him. We laugh about that first date and I’m just so relieved I had the sense to make it to Date No. 3 because it allowed me enough time to feel the beginnings of a subtle attraction starting to simmer towards him and then continue to grow as our relationship deepened.
How does this affect whether to see someone again or not?
Nos. 1 and 2 will provoke instinctive reactions and you can act accordingly.
It's the No. 3s you have to watch.
If No. 3 is closest to how you feel, can I suggest you don’t write someone off because of some perceived lack of Hollywoodesque chemistry?
If he likes you and seems like a good guy, I’d suggest giving him at least three dates before coming to a conclusion.
And, as always, date safely, dear sisters.
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