I wonder how you’re feeling right now?
Not everyone is looking forward to the holiday season. Sometimes it feels more like a dark mass on the horizon, waiting to be navigated.
I’ve had my share of bad Christmases in the past and so, ahead of the upcoming holidays, I wanted to pass on some good things even when it’s bad.
Remember: it's just one day, not a life sentence
If you’re slightly dreading Christmas, remember the phrase, ‘Time and the hour runs through the longest day.’
When I’ve faced a day that feels like it’s going to be a struggle, this saying is a definite consolation because Time is quietly inexorable and can work in your favour.
Dare I suggest wine...?
Now I’m not encouraging you to over-drink or over-anything come to think of it, but wine definitely has its qualities.
I was brought up in a family of fanatical non-drinkers but I can remember one Christmas as a teenager being allowed a glass of sherry with my Christmas dinner.
It mellowed my teenage hypercritical viewpoint so that I found my family much easier to accept and bear with. I saw how properly used it could be an aid to sociability.
‘Wine maketh glad the heart of man,’ as it says in the Good Book, and if it’s good enough for JC…?
Annoying relatives
If I had this situation to deal with for a day, I would imagine to myself that they were a charity case I'd been asked to host for Care in the Community and out of the kindness of my magnanimous heart. I find that, in the nicest possible way, reframing it like this gives you the upper hand psychologically. The person you are being nice to will be charmed, and you will be warmed by the inward glow of your own altruism.
Mentally break the day up into short periods
Don’t see Christmas Day as a long stretch of desert to be navigated but as merely a series of chopped-up bits. At the end of each sector you can mentally tick it off as Finished/Done/Over. It's heartening to congratulate yourself on progress made and realise there is less to go.
Dealing with social media
I’ve found social media can be a useful servant over public holidays provided you avoid it on the day itself. Don't scroll and wring your heart thinking what a great time other people *seem* to be having.
I remember feeling alone and rejected after being ditched by my spouse and with no significant other on the horizon, but I could still present myself as an upbeat and likeable person on social media.
This is a good message for other scrollers to pick up on, and heartening for myself to focus on this image of myself instead of poor abandoned Katrina.
I am introverted, tend to be lazy and prefer cats to dogs but reckoned that posting photos of myself taken out for a wintry walk with dog-owning family members at least introduced an air of activity, fresh air, and sociability.
By including a few photos like this you’re showing you can get out and about, smile, presumably are kind to animals, and appreciate the beautiful and interesting place that is lucky enough to have you in it. All good traits appreciated by others.
One year during the run-up to New Year’s Eve I wrote, ‘Still feeling a bit lonely, and an outsider. Nowhere to go on New Year’s Eve.’
On that occasion I dealt with the issue by making my own plans with family who probably felt they couldn’t turn me down and for which I’ll always be grateful.
It kept me busy, generated quietly sociable Facebook photos, and passed time which might otherwise have been spent in feeling sorry for myself.
I know some people detest it but I found social media beneficial to someone in my circumstances. I’ve mostly kept my Facebook profile set to ‘Public’ and have had more than one interested party (including one who later became my husband) meet me in person and then check me out on FB and decided they liked what they saw.
Giving the world this reminder that you are a cheerful person willing to engage with others will benefit you in the short and long run.
Make use of Betwixmas
Although not a fan of New Year’s Eve, I enjoy that pause between Christmas and New Year (Betwixmas) because it is usually a quiet, often work-free time-period in which to do a gentle stock-take of where you want to go from here. Also use it for rest and recuperation.
The Christmas I realised my husband had most likely left me forever, I wrote, ‘I realise I have a lot of changing and developing to do.’
Then, once that step was admitted, I found I was beginning to consider my options, writing them down as ‘Plan A’ and ‘Plan B’. Just seeing them in black-on-white in my own handwriting on a page gave me a feeling of agency, or being capable enough to cope with them.
Gradually I was ‘feeling a bit more upbeat about the future and life in general.’
And I clung onto these words:
‘I tell myself it will take time, but it will come right. One day I will be able to say to myself, “At long last — it has begun.”’
It did take time and much was to happen in between, but it did happen, and no doubt in time it will for you too.
